I feel as though I've been here for an eternity now and I keep wondering when I'm going to have to pack up and go home. Then the reality hits me that I AM home. The trouble is, it doesn't quite feel like home yet. For one thing, all my books, beloved stationary, fountain pen, odds and ends are still in a storage unit. I daren't unpack them because in six weeks or so I'll have to pack them again. That's right, I'm moving again. Our lease is up December 1st and we're off to a slightly larger place. One where I might just have room to set up a legitimate pantry or a craft area. One where the kitchen is not also the living room, and the bedroom.
It's not easy to be trying to settle and not settle too much at the same time. I want to be home. I yearn to be home, and yet I must wait.
This waiting puts me in mind of the verse that says
"Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head." Matthew 8:20
Where was I? Oh yeah, I think I was complaining about not feeling at home yet in this cozy apartment with a memory foam mattress topper and luxurious pillow.....how embarrassing. I can't believe that I would even begin to feel sorry for myself when Jesus himself had NOWHERE to lay his head that was his own. He had NOWHERE that he could call home. He slept outside, under the stars, and in the cold. He spent his days giving, giving, and giving until he exhausted himself. I spend my days working, staying busy, yes, but also whining and complaining a lot.
So my goal right now is not to focus on not being home quite yet, but on my home with Bruce. It's not the place really that is home, but the people. I don't really miss Morehead City or the beach as much as I miss Mom and Dad, Paul, and Grandmother. So I need to fill that bit of loneliness with my new home, my new family, Bruce. How can I adjust my heart, my emotions, my mindset to feel more at home with him? This is the question I intend to explore and answer. Stay tuned to find out my progress. Love to all! MG