Thursday, February 24, 2011

Backwards Broken Days and Yet....

The last 36 hours have been so backwards and crazy. I've been nannying four children whose parents took a trip down to the Cayman Islands. Taking care of four children completely on my own has been a challenge. I've been trying so hard all week to teach the children about love and kindness. They've had a hard time being kind to one another. Last night I had to take two trips to drop them off at church because their programs start at different times. Well, when I left to pick them up, I forgot that I had closed the garage door and I bumped it, leaving it dented and three hinges popped loose. I was able to "un-dent" it but I have no idea what to do about the hinges. This morning after dealing with an argument between the children, I got in my car to come teach for my mom. When I pulled out of the driveway I didn't cut my car over enough and grazed a large plant to the side of the drive way ripping off what was left of the right side of my front bumper.
A broken garage door, a broken car, and a broken spirit from the arguement among the children-then I read this

I'm thankful for food to eat, and a job that provides me with my financial needs. I'm thankful to be alive, to have a wonderful family and I am thankful for a God who looked down on my pitiful state and decided to forgive me anyways and save me. I'm just thankful.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Bleak House

Well my friends, I did not reach my goal of finishing Bleak House, before the end of January, but I am still faithfully chiseling away at it. It is a very good book I think. The character of Richard Carstone is extremely meaningful to me in that it mirrors our everyday battle with sin. He is mesmerized by a court case in which he is a party. He is driven to watch and wait and work in whatever degree possible to ensure his desired outcome for this case. All of his energy, his passion, his money, and his life is being drained away by hope, false hope in this court case, Jarndyce and Jarndyce. It reminds me of myself, or any human being for that matter, pining away after things of the flesh. Waiting and hoping for some euphoric happiness or pleasure that is never going to happen. When we put our energy and our hope in the things of this earth we will perish. It will suck our lives away. We need to put our hopes on things above; I need to trust in the promises that I know are true and banish the lies that would so easily entangle.
Another character that I can see myself in is Lady Dedlock. She is pining away also, for a more interesting life. She is bored and dissatisfied with life. She has a shady past and is terrified that her husband will find out. Her greatest fear is to bring shame to her husband and his house. What she does NOT know or realize is how much her husband really loves her. He loves her far more than the family name, far more than his pride, and far more than she could ever realize. Sometimes I get discouraged when I think of how often I make mistakes and bring shame to the name of the Lord. Often I forget, however, after I've repented, how much the Lord loves me. I don't have to fear shame, or fear his rejection. He will never reject me. He loves me and has promised me that there is nothing in this world that can separate me from his love. Hallelujah!

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Birthday Blues and Dreams Come True

Welcome to February, the month of love and African American History. Coincidentally it is also the month of my birthday. January held many surprises, including a six inch blanket of snow across the coast of North Carolina. One very exciting thing that it held for me was my very first viewing of live figure skating. Some friends of mine and I went up to Greensboro NC for the US Figure Skating Championships. We were able to see the pairs skating and ice dancing final competition. It was absolutely breathtaking. This was my birthday celebration this year. That brings me to something not quite as exciting. My birthday is in two weeks. Yes, my birthday is in fact on Valentine's Day. For the first time, I am actually not happy about being another year older. I think twenties are the most difficult time in one's life as far as aging is concerned. I don't think you will ever feel as old as you do when you are in your twenties. That is silly, you might say, but its true. When you are middle aged you have already have children or a career and you already realize that you are an adult. When you are a senior you accept that you are old and enjoy the benefits of it(cheap coffee, free admission etc.). However, when you are in your twenties you are forced to accept a fact that you have been trying to fight for the previous ten years-you are growing up. No one wants to grow up once they realize its happening. You only dream of that when you are little. Once you actually start growing up you can't stand the idea. I don't want to be aware of how fast time is passing. I don't want to see how long I've been alive and how little I've accomplished. I don't want to face the decisions of adulthood. I don't want to grow up. I feel very old this year, and I feel as though life is just slipping through my fingers and I can't seem to catch up with it. It is scary, but it is also motivating. Seeing those ice skaters with their AMAZING talent and how much time they have put into mastering such a skill made me think "Am I using my time to its full potential?" I don't think I am. I need to make sure that I am redeeming the time and that I am spending time invested in things that really matter. So this years theme for me is "Plan." I want to make sure that I am planning my activities out well, that I am planning my future well, and that I am always seeking God's will first. Well, here's to another birthday, and another year that the Lord has given to me. Now it is up to me to decide what to do with the time given me.